MAVENS

Raven Mavens perched atop lights
give luminous gems of wisdom and truth
They look down
not down to us
as we are up
down to see potential
We become those Mavens
whom no one knocks to ground
We stay firm in growth
moving to the highest crowned thrown
and rule what is ours
Raven Mavens
cobblestone will not crack under pressure
of those who walk righteous paths
lasting stone to hold under feet
mighty walks on fire and ice
Pick gems from your crown to place in hand of ones who tread behind
We rule this kingdom high atop ruins that may crumble beneath our feet.
Raven Mavens perched atop lights

CONVERSATIONS

She has my face; I grab her hands, sweaty and small. I looked to her for so long to be my guide, leading me blind to a place of her choosing. She got lost a long way back and she’s been winging it. As I look into those eyes, I see…I see she’s still trying to be assured, resilient, as confident as a young girl of her age can attempt to be. I was never really sure myself, which brought me to this point of reliance.  I looked to her for all things, no matter her lack of experience. Heavy things I let fall on her shoulders, she convinced me she was strong to hold. It’s the eyes, the eyes have it.

I take her hand, sweaty and small and lead her to sit with me. As we look upon a dark nothing that is our journey, I squint to see further out.

“What can you see?,” she asks.

“I see light, but the darkness consumes it so, I can’t tell how close it is,” I say.

“You can’t leave me here alone,” she says.

That was never the plan..to leave her here. At least not forever. But what I’ve grown to depend on was her, her youthful ignorance, growing curiosity..or was it that she was too young to grab hold of life’s seriousness? A certain ignorant bliss that clouds the mind of clear judgment to make the challenge palpable, easier to manipulate to our liking.  Her great fervor was present always, I craved to be that. Holding on to her gave me a sense of confidence, not needing to share my truth…but hers. I realize she is too young to know, really. Too young to let make these significant choices in our lives.

“I won’t leave you here. You can come with me,” I say

“As we make our way, I must request your silence. I request your trust to let me lead the way from this first step we take together.”

“I can’t promise I will not ask for your strength or love when I need it, when I do, please place your hands in mine and let me continue to lead our way.”

“You are after all, me. I cannot find anyone better to give me the unconditional love I crave. I cannot find anyone better to let me be, than myself. We will finish this journey as one.”

She grabs my hands, sweaty and small. As we stand to progress, I smile. I can’t tell how close we are but we go. I go.

Ascent

 
We have wings
and
we’ve wasted time
Time unused for building one
up to heights
Taking flight to score the clouds
of our wildest dreams
Grasping that light that comes with flight
As my wings begin to waiver
you pull me close to your chest
let my head rest
As I tire
up
up
up we go
Higher
into our dreams
If your wings
get weak we take my left with your right
keep the air tight
and keep flight
Up
Up
Up
We can make this flight
see through those lightning dreams
The loudest and most electric
won’t keep us from flight
We have wings.

Visual Writes: Street Art Series, 003

Photo: candylocs- 2016, Detroit, MI

CLASSIC

I knew this girl
She said
she said she didn’t care for music much
much?
I paused
I paused the beat in my head that kept my nod on point
point of the needle
spinnin vinyl
How could you not?
How could you not let music take you
sweep you away to ok
an ok that makes struggle a wonder
one hit wonder
I wonder what it’s like in silence
the silence of life and times
rhymes
I’ll find the need to go blind
before my mind loses all notes
They gather to melody that repeats it’s poetry
again and again
She said
she said she couldn’t concentrate
with lyrics buzzin as flies do
sweeping them away with bothered fingers and flicks of wrist
she insists
insists that all those words are made to distract
a distraction she has no time for
I sweep my fingers and flick my wrist
sweep away her words
her flies
An approaching drum swells
voices hum wells
oohs
ahhs
The song is back
I nod to the beat in my head
keeping the needle on point
spinnin vinyl.

Visual Write: Street Art Series

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Photo: candylocs-2016 Detroit, MI

The Coming

I walk to keep time on my side
Can’t bother to stop
for man on side
calling  for eyes to slide
their way
Women talking amongst
loudly
for eyes to slide
their way
Wind rushes to find spots
to slip
underneath tight coats
Still
blistered faces
wait for sun
Not soon enough
Impatient
Gray springs to life
in these days of light
Buds poke only to hide out
Just one more day
Spring is coming.

Visual Writes: Street Art Series

Photo: candylocs-2016 Detroit, MI

Life’s Improvement

Self love at absolute high
Your high
highness
Swiftly passing
No end to end all means
Love will fade with time
Time will note your path
Let it be light.
Love will.

Open.

Artwork- Unknown

Hell has found me. The drive of self motivation has been a long journey, one that’s never suited me. I’ve always been lazy. There, I said it. I’m a lazy person. By nature, finding the push to really exceed in my life feels like a challenge in itself. Hell has found me in the form of my own aspirations. They pierce through my eyes as I look in the mirror each day, and speak to me at night when I lay my head to rest. I wake to live the monotony of my full time life that I dream away as the clock tick, tick, ticks to clock out. Fear has always followed, I’ve been great at draping a cloak of confidence around me to make it seem easy. Its presence becoming hell’s company in my world, stretching the length of my body until it consumes all of me as though I’m coated in a thick paint of darkness. It has paralyzed my life. I used to fear less. I used to sing more. I used to write. More. I never stopped wanting….less; quite the opposite. I just stopped feeling the need to be more. More of what I know I am. The excuse of my hell is tragic, it has found me from within. 

Then! Heaven seeks me! Heaven comes with the same tick of the clock that hell has let in. Hope takes over as doubt sets in. A needle of light seeps into the tiniest crack of my dark paint and pushes through. As hard as those fears send me to the floor, light picks me up and floats me to my dreams of better. It feels cool, contrast to the stifling heat that would sweat the energy out of any day. Improvement of life keeps my dreams breathing. Hell may have found me, but heaven will be what saves.

First trip

First trip to real

to realize there’s no end to this life of reason

First trip to a space

a place of unordinary.

Displacement

Noise

Push to new future.

Focussssss…mind creeping to

Dont’ let it in.

She’s not there

She’s not coming back

Waiting

Waiting for her

as she waited for you.

Missed chances

Slow advances

Too slow to catch before the break in fall

“I’m not coming back.

I must find me.

I find me and find

I find the love I need to be

the you

the you I never knew.

I never knew

I never knew the you needed for growth of us.

What you choose to lose

is the me you thought you knew.

This pain comes from emotion.

It’s emotion

guiding choice to loss

I choose to lose

the place I know

I knew the you with me

I can’t see

I must find me

I find me and find

I find the love I need to be

the you

the you I never knew.

A Letter to the Sleepers

I’ve been sleepin. And the thought of inadequacy keeps me up at the same damn time. As a parent, we are constantly reminding ourselves that everything is fine..or will be fine…or wait…no, things aren’t fine! And it’s all my fault. It is.

My son is officially a junior in high school, which is exciting but raises the reality that he is in no way prepared to make any type of decision on what or where he wants to go, or how to finish successfully for that matter. I know, I know he still has time! He’s young! Our society has pushed us to this idea that we need to know, or have some idea of what we want when we start college or graduate from high school.

He is behind. Historically, he has not had the best education and that is my fault. I never necessarily had the means to place him in the right schools, with the right people to guide him outside of my care. But it truly does start and end in the home. I was a young mother. Having him at 18 and not finishing high school on time myself, I was blessed to have two parents that worked very hard to give me what I needed and helped me in the beginning stages of raising my son. Where they went, I followed. Regretfully, I didn’t follow all of their advice and/or offerings, I floated when I should’ve paddled my ass off. I was a teenager still, and wanted the most independence I could get with having a child on my hip and maneuvering through my own growing pains. That was selfish. As we grew together, things were missed on my part as a parent. I worked full time, finished high school, took some college courses, grew(growing) with trial and error to become the person that I am today.

I’m by no means where I would like to be, parent or as a woman. But through seeing that, I see what I have not given my son.

Time. Time and attention. I didn’t push him as I should have. He is truly a remarkable young man despite the facts. But he is lazy and behind, and not prepared for what’s out there. That’s a scary feeling.

Now I am attempting to build on all of this, and there’s still time! I’m trying to change and pull out of him what is needed to be a successful and productive part of this world or what’s left of it. It can be difficult because I have to change who I am and ultimately who he has become already. I have to consistently rewire my thinking and not be LAZY when I’m just….tired. I have to remind myself that all is for the better and he’ll thank me….later?

We have someone in our lives for the first time that has turned the mirror onto US. Forcing us to see what I’ve ignored for so many years before it’s too late. It ain’t pretty yall, it’s quite embarrassing to say the least.

So this is a testament to all the sleepers. I too am one. But I’ve awakened and staying here is my new journey. I hope to share more of mine and my son’s growth as we go. Sharing can definitely be therapeutic.