Tag Archives: love

MAVENS

Raven Mavens perched atop lights
give luminous gems of wisdom and truth
They look down
not down to us
as we are up
down to see potential
We become those Mavens
whom no one knocks to ground
We stay firm in growth
moving to the highest crowned thrown
and rule what is ours
Raven Mavens
cobblestone will not crack under pressure
of those who walk righteous paths
lasting stone to hold under feet
mighty walks on fire and ice
Pick gems from your crown to place in hand of ones who tread behind
We rule this kingdom high atop ruins that may crumble beneath our feet.
Raven Mavens perched atop lights

CONVERSATIONS

She has my face; I grab her hands, sweaty and small. I looked to her for so long to be my guide, leading me blind to a place of her choosing. She got lost a long way back and she’s been winging it. As I look into those eyes, I see…I see she’s still trying to be assured, resilient, as confident as a young girl of her age can attempt to be. I was never really sure myself, which brought me to this point of reliance.  I looked to her for all things, no matter her lack of experience. Heavy things I let fall on her shoulders, she convinced me she was strong to hold. It’s the eyes, the eyes have it.

I take her hand, sweaty and small and lead her to sit with me. As we look upon a dark nothing that is our journey, I squint to see further out.

“What can you see?,” she asks.

“I see light, but the darkness consumes it so, I can’t tell how close it is,” I say.

“You can’t leave me here alone,” she says.

That was never the plan..to leave her here. At least not forever. But what I’ve grown to depend on was her, her youthful ignorance, growing curiosity..or was it that she was too young to grab hold of life’s seriousness? A certain ignorant bliss that clouds the mind of clear judgment to make the challenge palpable, easier to manipulate to our liking.  Her great fervor was present always, I craved to be that. Holding on to her gave me a sense of confidence, not needing to share my truth…but hers. I realize she is too young to know, really. Too young to let make these significant choices in our lives.

“I won’t leave you here. You can come with me,” I say

“As we make our way, I must request your silence. I request your trust to let me lead the way from this first step we take together.”

“I can’t promise I will not ask for your strength or love when I need it, when I do, please place your hands in mine and let me continue to lead our way.”

“You are after all, me. I cannot find anyone better to give me the unconditional love I crave. I cannot find anyone better to let me be, than myself. We will finish this journey as one.”

She grabs my hands, sweaty and small. As we stand to progress, I smile. I can’t tell how close we are but we go. I go.

Ascent

 
We have wings
and
we’ve wasted time
Time unused for building one
up to heights
Taking flight to score the clouds
of our wildest dreams
Grasping that light that comes with flight
As my wings begin to waiver
you pull me close to your chest
let my head rest
As I tire
up
up
up we go
Higher
into our dreams
If your wings
get weak we take my left with your right
keep the air tight
and keep flight
Up
Up
Up
We can make this flight
see through those lightning dreams
The loudest and most electric
won’t keep us from flight
We have wings.

IMG_5716

First trip

First trip to real

to realize there’s no end to this life of reason

First trip to a space

a place of unordinary.

Displacement

Noise

Push to new future.

Focussssss…mind creeping to

Dont’ let it in.

She’s not there

She’s not coming back

Waiting

Waiting for her

as she waited for you.

Missed chances

Slow advances

Too slow to catch before the break in fall

“I’m not coming back.

I must find me.

I find me and find

I find the love I need to be

the you

the you I never knew.

I never knew

I never knew the you needed for growth of us.

What you choose to lose

is the me you thought you knew.

This pain comes from emotion.

It’s emotion

guiding choice to loss

I choose to lose

the place I know

I knew the you with me

I can’t see

I must find me

I find me and find

I find the love I need to be

the you

the you I never knew.

35

Nobody tells you. Nobody tells you that you’ll feel out of touch yet so close to the young woman you thought you were yesterday. Nobody tells you how fast your growth can be and how many missteps you’d take to get where you never thought you would. I feel so young and inexperienced that it feels like a joke to be turning 35 in less than a week. My body feels it, but why do I feel so immature? I look in the mirror and can appreciate the blessing of still looking young but carry the weight of the years my life has lived so far. Nobody tells you. Nobody tells you that you’re going to be afraid and look back on what you haven’t done versus what you have. I’m grateful for another year of fixing my mistakes and earning new ones. I haven’t embraced that fearless, self loving woman that they say comes in your 30s…or is it your 40s? ..I’m not there yet. But I will tell you. I will tell you that I’m in real love for the first time ever in my life. I can talk to my son as a young man and we can make mistakes together and move on and keep loving each other. I’ll tell you I’m not living my dreams but continue to make a step a little closer to them. Today is a beautiful day, it’s beautiful because I choose it to be. And that comes with my 35 years of living and knowing I have a long journey with more days like this. Happy birthday to me:)