Tag Archives: changes

Visual Write: Street Art Series


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Photo: candylocs-2016 Detroit, MI

The Coming

I walk to keep time on my side
Can’t bother to stop
for man on side
calling  for eyes to slide
their way
Women talking amongst
loudly
for eyes to slide
their way
Wind rushes to find spots
to slip
underneath tight coats
Still
blistered faces
wait for sun
Not soon enough
Impatient
Gray springs to life
in these days of light
Buds poke only to hide out
Just one more day
Spring is coming.

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A Letter to the Sleepers

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I’ve been sleepin. And the thought of inadequacy keeps me up at the same damn time. As a parent, we are constantly reminding ourselves that everything is fine..or will be fine…or wait…no, things aren’t fine! And it’s all my fault. It is.

My son is officially a junior in high school, which is exciting but raises the reality that he is in no way prepared to make any type of decision on what or where he wants to go, or how to finish successfully for that matter. I know, I know he still has time! He’s young! Our society has pushed us to this idea that we need to know, or have some idea of what we want when we start college or graduate from high school.

He is behind. Historically, he has not had the best education and that is my fault. I never necessarily had the means to place him in the right schools, with the right people to guide him outside of my care. But it truly does start and end in the home. I was a young mother. Having him at 18 and not finishing high school on time myself, I was blessed to have two parents that worked very hard to give me what I needed and helped me in the beginning stages of raising my son. Where they went, I followed. Regretfully, I didn’t follow all of their advice and/or offerings, I floated when I should’ve paddled my ass off. I was a teenager still, and wanted the most independence I could get with having a child on my hip and maneuvering through my own growing pains. That was selfish. As we grew together, things were missed on my part as a parent. I worked full time, finished high school, took some college courses, grew(growing) with trial and error to become the person that I am today.

I’m by no means where I would like to be, parent or as a woman. But through seeing that, I see what I have not given my son.

Time. Time and attention. I didn’t push him as I should have. He is truly a remarkable young man despite the facts. But he is lazy and behind, and not prepared for what’s out there. That’s a scary feeling.

Now I am attempting to build on all of this, and there’s still time! I’m trying to change and pull out of him what is needed to be a successful and productive part of this world or what’s left of it. It can be difficult because I have to change who I am and ultimately who he has become already. I have to consistently rewire my thinking and not be LAZY when I’m just….tired. I have to remind myself that all is for the better and he’ll thank me….later?

We have someone in our lives for the first time that has turned the mirror onto US. Forcing us to see what I’ve ignored for so many years before it’s too late. It ain’t pretty yall, it’s quite embarrassing to say the least.

So this is a testament to all the sleepers. I too am one. But I’ve awakened and staying here is my new journey. I hope to share more of mine and my son’s growth as we go. Sharing can definitely be therapeutic.

35

Nobody tells you. Nobody tells you that you’ll feel out of touch yet so close to the young woman you thought you were yesterday. Nobody tells you how fast your growth can be and how many missteps you’d take to get where you never thought you would. I feel so young and inexperienced that it feels like a joke to be turning 35 in less than a week. My body feels it, but why do I feel so immature? I look in the mirror and can appreciate the blessing of still looking young but carry the weight of the years my life has lived so far. Nobody tells you. Nobody tells you that you’re going to be afraid and look back on what you haven’t done versus what you have. I’m grateful for another year of fixing my mistakes and earning new ones. I haven’t embraced that fearless, self loving woman that they say comes in your 30s…or is it your 40s? ..I’m not there yet. But I will tell you. I will tell you that I’m in real love for the first time ever in my life. I can talk to my son as a young man and we can make mistakes together and move on and keep loving each other. I’ll tell you I’m not living my dreams but continue to make a step a little closer to them. Today is a beautiful day, it’s beautiful because I choose it to be. And that comes with my 35 years of living and knowing I have a long journey with more days like this. Happy birthday to me:)

Purpose Served

Everyone serves a purpose in our lives

this is common

assured

We take for granted the seasons that come

and go

Making light of life and its short span

Let us not forget changes

embrace these threads that weave

stories of light and love

sadness and disappointment

Accept what is true

You will find

what means the most

Your worth and time has been

the key to your design.