Sleep dries hard
chipping away the day
I make my eyes slide
to a thin line
making mine lines.
I find it difficult to show who I am in lieu of knowing the small
details of your past.
I find myself wanting to take advantage of knowing how you
cannot say no
using this to comfort my own isolated thought or feeling.
Showing a vulnerability constitutes an opinion on your part
I’m not sure I warrant.
impulsive woman by nature
doing what I feel at any given moment is more satisfying
than possible outcomes at times.
And so again I say
I miss you
Without regret or hope that you
feel the same.
I’d rather breathe freely my words than suffocate on them.
I hope you feel the freedom you crave so deep
know that in your relief
someone is craving you
I sit at the screen
waiting for nothing
a mocking black
an open mouth
tilted and titillated
by empty ideas
nothing at all
Hello, my name is Candice and I’m a writer. It took me a long time to say that out loud and to myself now that I think about it. I always felt that since I wasn’t doing it full time or had not gotten paid for my writing, that I couldn’t classify myself as such. Well we all know that ain’t true!
My first thought was to make 2 different spaces. One for my writing and one for my life, I’m trying to figure out how to merge the two. I have many talented and creative people in my life and would love to showcase their work on my blog as well. I would love to do some freelance work, and create a magazine space for single parents in the future, this is the first step. I also want to be a part of a community of people that I would never have met otherwise, who share the same passions for life and writing as I do! This is the place and I’m glad I’m here, let’s do thiiiiiiis.
Many a night I’ve punished myself for not reaching the self inflicted deadline I create. I’ve imagined coming home from a 9 or 10 hour day, sitting at my table with a nice tumbler of whiskey in hand and letting the words go! Oh! The stories I’ve thought of in my mind! An endless pool of ideas to fall into, coming to surface small bubbles of…….nothing. There was a long period of time when I had forgotten my love for writing, sweeping it under the rug like unwanted dust, too lazy to address. It piled up of course, I itched to let it out and share my words with others. I was a huge hoarder of my writing for so long that I got used to living amongst the ideas, the piles, the mountains of things in my own mind, at times suffocating me senseless, in turn making for a not so pretty rant of emotion, unbeknownst to whomever was on the receiving end.
My 15 year old son was a big influence of me starting this blog. I’m grateful to that young man for creating his own space in this life. I push him to share himself with the world, why was I hiding? The critical fear can be paralyzing. So I tread softly, until my steps become strong and unwavering. I’m getting used to giving myself deadlines or yet…just letting it come as it may. There are times when I walk by my laptop not meaning to write but sit down anyway, and create something beautiful out of nothing. That’s when I come alive. In those moments the truth is apparent, so raw and real, words flow without pressure. I revel in those moments. Wasted days or wasted nights? There aren’t any. The time you take to sit, run, jump or play towards what matters most to you is never time wasted. What a way to live.
My cousin and I always seem to find time to have meaningful conversations. I always leave them feeling more motivated and refreshed for what’s to come. Recently we’ve started doing 30 day challenges together. I am a self proclaimed procrastinator, which makes it hard for me to start and keep positive habits. They say it takes 3 weeks to form a habit, so we’ve decided to start small goals that we’d like to work on and stick with it for 30 days. Being roommates helps! We’ve posted a calendar on the fridge and we’re already in our 2nd month.
The first month went pretty well, I must say. My goal was to make my bed everyday when I got up. Now this may sound super trivial but I was never much of a “bed maker”. I’m sure you’ve all said to your parents, “What’s the point in making it when I’m just going to mess it up again later?” 🙂 Yes, we’ve all said it! So, I felt this was a small enough task to practice and I have to say, it made me feel better as the days went by. I started to tidy my room a bit more, making sure everything was in its place. I’m no slob, mind you, but life tends to get in the way of keeping my laundry pile nice and neat on occasion.
As for the oil-pulling, there’s a link below if you’re interested in learning more. I follow this amazing woman, http://heyfranhey.com/ , she’s all about living a natural and healthy lifestyle, which I aspire to more and more every day. Very interesting, open your mind and take a look! Let me know what you think in the comments! Have you ever tried it? If not, would you?
This next 30 days, I’m focusing more on writing. I’m going to write everyday and hopefully post at least 3 times a week. I’m excited about what I come up with and hope I get to share more experiences with my growing audience. I appreciate the growth process. This is why we’re all here, right? To peak into each other’s minds a little..or a lot? Stay on this journey with me guys! More good things to come!
One two three
steps along the bridge
The wind whips
strands of hair
Looking ahead my mother grasps the rope
she turns a quick smile
Fear of falling
blown away with a breeze
fingers tight to keep balance
and an endless below
immersed in a sea of white
no longer above but surrounding
this is what it feels like