Hell has found me. The drive of self motivation has been a long journey, one that’s never suited me. I’ve always been lazy. There, I said it. I’m a lazy person. By nature, finding the push to really exceed in my life feels like a challenge in itself. Hell has found me in the form of my own aspirations. They pierce through my eyes as I look in the mirror each day, and speak to me at night when I lay my head to rest. I wake to live the monotony of my full time life that I dream away as the clock tick, tick, ticks to clock out. Fear has always followed, I’ve been great at draping a cloak of confidence around me to make it seem easy. Its presence becoming hell’s company in my world, stretching the length of my body until it consumes all of me as though I’m coated in a thick paint of darkness. It has paralyzed my life. I used to fear less. I used to sing more. I used to write. More. I never stopped wanting….less; quite the opposite. I just stopped feeling the need to be more. More of what I know I am. The excuse of my hell is tragic, it has found me from within.
Then! Heaven seeks me! Heaven comes with the same tick of the clock that hell has let in. Hope takes over as doubt sets in. A needle of light seeps into the tiniest crack of my dark paint and pushes through. As hard as those fears send me to the floor, light picks me up and floats me to my dreams of better. It feels cool, contrast to the stifling heat that would sweat the energy out of any day. Improvement of life keeps my dreams breathing. Hell may have found me, but heaven will be what saves.